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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27121615">Rebel With a Cause</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaceshipfiles/pseuds/Spaceshipfiles'>Spaceshipfiles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:19:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,880</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27121615</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaceshipfiles/pseuds/Spaceshipfiles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren x Reader//</p><p>"You have no love for anyone. Not even yourself." </p><p>You are a pilot for the Resistance. But now it's your chance to call the shots. Your newest mission? Infiltrate the First Order and keep a close watch. You will make sure the First Order will fail. You and the Resistance will return order to the galaxy.</p><p>Kylo Ren, Supreme leader, is left bitter and angry. The Resistance is still alive, and he is left broken hearted from Rey's seeming betrayal. He will end the Jedi. He will end the Resistance. The First Order will rule the galaxy.</p><p>With the risks taken be worth it? </p><p>Can you truly find balance, or has the light been gone for too long?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. O n e</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Y/N</p><p>General Organas voice trembled as she spoke to the remnants of the resistance on the Falcon,</p><p>"I know, we've had," she sighs " many losses." </p><p>Everyone seems to stare at their feet, you don't know who goes through their heads, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, but you know who goes through yours. </p><p>You don't know what you felt earlier, something inside you, your intuition you think, told you Luke Skywalker was dead. </p><p>You'd lost your best friend too. They got blown up when you were fighting that dreadnought. They were in the Black squad, you were in Red. </p><p>It'd also built a wedge between you and Poe. You blamed him for their death, you still do. </p><p>But he was your friend, and in a galaxy like this, saving the people you love, is the only thing you can really do anymore. </p><p>You knew you wouldn't be able to fly a x-wing after this. And not just because all of the resistances x-wings got blown up. The thought of even trying to sit in that cockpit again, it hurt. </p><p>You could've helped. But you froze, and Poe yelled at you for it. He did these things sometimes, where he blamed others for his mistakes. You couldn't shoot at tie-fighters anymore or stormtroopers, or...really anyone in the first order. Not since you met Finn and realized not everyone in the first order was a monster behind a mask. They were people. Real people. With thoughts and feelings. </p><p>"But the First Order...there's not many of us left, with the Republic gone, we need someone to keep a close eye on them. What I'm trying to say is, we need an eye on the inside. An undercover recruit." Leia says, eyes scanning the crowd for a volunteer.</p><p>Of course Poe jumped at the chance to help the Resistance first. But he'd be too easily recognized, he'd be caught almost instantly.</p><p>"I'll do it." </p><p>All heads turned to you, </p><p>You weren't exactly the most well liked around here. Most people knew you as "that anxious x-wing pilot" but now, maybe you could be brave, or at least know as "that courageous x-wing pilot." </p><p>But you'd probably be know as "that dead x-wing pilot" if you went through with this...</p><p>Finn and Poe practically jumped to the conclusion that you couldn't, and protested it. </p><p>Leia turned to face you.</p><p>Leia was like a mentor to you. You parents, well you weren't sure where they were. They said were going to a neighboring system one day when you were thirteen, but they never came back. You liked to think that they were dead. </p><p>"I can do it, I really can." You protested. </p><p>Leia sighed. Finn and Poe turned to you and begged you to stay. </p><p>"No, who will I be if I stay here and do nothing? All of you have risked your lives, what have I done? Nothing. I'm just a coward who can't even shoot a blaster. I'm..." your voice falters, "I'm doing this." </p><p>You can read the expression on Leia's face. She knew you were going to go with her permission or not.</p><p>She pinches her lips togethe, "Finn do you still have your technician suit from you infiltration of the base?" Leia questioned </p><p>"Yes General." Finn nods.</p><p>"Give it to _____. Well discuss the details later." </p><p>_____</p><p>"Rey, it's nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you." </p><p>"What you did there, that was really brave." She says smiling sweetly at you. </p><p>"Thank you, but from what I've heard, your an up and coming legend in the Resistance, and even in the First Order." You reply. </p><p>"You really think so?" She asks. </p><p>"I do." </p><p>______</p><p>The crew is flying low on a small cargo ship. It's raining heavily. </p><p>"Okay we'll fly low open the hatch and push you out, simple as that." Poe says nonchalantly. </p><p>"D-Did you just say you're going to push me out?" You stutter. </p><p>"Yep, may the force be with you!" Poe yells over the engine. </p><p>You look down the hatch, close your eyes, and jump. </p><p>______</p><p>Branches smack your face and scrape your body. </p><p>You land on your back onto the rough, wet ground. You knew very little about this planet other than it never stopped raining.</p><p>"Agh, I'm starting to think the Force hates me." You call out into the darkness. </p><p>You push yourself off the ground. Your uniform is covered in mud. You can still see the ship, but it quickly disappears like a shooting star across the sky as your friends enter lightspeed.</p><p>You make your way toward the First Order base. It's carved into the side of a mountain and there's large ladder running up to the platform above, there's about four or five stormtroopers guarding it. Luckily you have a uniform, so you won't look too out of place. </p><p>You make your way up the ladder. Though it's quite nerve racking, the rain makes the ladder slick and big fat drops hit your face and eyes and soak through your clothes. </p><p>As your head pops over the edge of the platform one of the stormtroopers comes over to you. </p><p>"You there, explain yourself." He says, pointing the blaster toward you. </p><p>"I uh, just slipped, I'm a radar technician, I was fixing a ship, b-by the edge." You lie. </p><p>"Make your way then." He ushers you toward the ships.</p><p>_____</p><p>You made your way to the ship you were supposed to be working on. After checking the ship a couple times for show, a loud voice on the PA system sounded,</p><p>"All training technicians in squadron 7a, 7b, 7c, report to Captain Lionne for debriefing." </p><p>Now was you chance, you see a couple of what you presume to be training technicians walk away and disappear around a corner.</p><p>You swiftly file into a large office with everyone else. </p><p>There stood a woman in a crisp white outfit similar to yours but with a square cape around her shoulders. </p><p>"Hello cadets." She says sharply. </p><p>"Captain Lionne." the rest of the cadets shout back. </p><p>She looks to you. </p><p>"And what do I owe a fully trained technician to be in my training program for?" She says slyly, eyeing you up and down. </p><p>"I was given this uniform Captain. They, uh, said they had ran out of training uniforms." You lie.</p><p>"Hmm, very well. Report to me after debriefing for a proper uniform, and have you obtained your block number yet?" </p><p>"No Captain." </p><p>"Well why don't we pair you with...ah, Mister Sobusk. I'm sure he'd love your company." She says to him mockingly.</p><p>"Yes Captain." Sobusk answers. </p><p>"Well now that that's settled. Get in line cadets!" </p><p>_______</p><p>Your first day of training was brutal. </p><p>You'd been electrocuted, had a storm trooper kick your wrench away from you while you were trying to replace a calcenator. Jammed your fingers, and gotten yelled at more times than there are plants in the galaxy. And now your fingers were all bloody from trying to get the grease out of your nails. </p><p>Now it was time for bed. In your room there was one bathroom and one bunk. It was like a prison cell, but the door wasn't locked. </p><p>The door slides open, you look up from bed. Your roommate places his keycard in his pocket and turns to you, "Nice to meet you, I'm Duran, Duran Sobusk. If you didn't already know that." He begins rummaging through his duffel bag on the top-bunk. </p><p>"I'm _______." you answer.</p><p>Duran nods and doesn't say anything more. </p><p>You take off your cadet hat, place it under the bed and then shut off the lights. Duran climbs to the top-bunk. </p><p>You lay awake for a little while, you can't seem to stop thinking about everyone at home. Only when you reach the memory of flying a ship for the first time can you coax yourself to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. T w o</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kylo</p><p>Strange. </p><p>I feel... something. </p><p>In the force.</p><p>Someone. </p><p>Calling out. </p><p>I see them. </p><p>If I just—</p><p>"Supreme leader Ren, we have no updates on the Resistance." My thoughts are interrupted.</p><p>I looked at the lower ranking officer from my new throne. </p><p>"Very well." I wave my hand and they walk out. </p><p>Someone new is here. Someone...strong. </p><p>If I reach out—<br/>_______<br/>Y/ n <br/>_______<br/>You're hunched over a tie-fighter, fixing the radio. </p><p>That's when you feel it, someone inside your head. </p><p>"Who are you?" The voice calls out. </p><p>"I'd ask you the same thing, after all, your the one inside my head." You say, but your inner voice quivers. </p><p>"So you know who I am? I can tell. You know." </p><p>"I-I don't." you lie.</p><p>"Strange, I can't get to your thoughts. Do you even know how to block me? I can usually take whatever I please." The voice says firmly. </p><p>"Get out!" </p><p>The voice disappears as quickly as it came. </p><p>It was Ben Solo. </p><p>You just knew, you felt it.</p><p>No, Ben Solo was dead. It was Kylo Ren. </p><p>You could speak out to him. </p><p>You could see him....could he see you? </p><p>No, surely he would've captured you already.</p><p>What was he doing in your head?</p><p>Could he feel you? </p><p>In the force? </p><p>Your supervisor bangs on the side of the ship. </p><p>You could tell what she meant- 'get back to work, scum'</p><p>You needed to continue you work anyway. Captain Lionne would be mad if you didn't fix this ships communication system.</p><p>You didn't fancy the idea of getting punished again. They were ruthless here.  You had slash marks all across your back, and you had only slipped up once or twice. </p><p>You remembered seeing Duran's back. He had lots and lots of scars, and it seemed like he got a new set everyday. </p><p>You didn't know how Duran got punished so often, he seemed like he'd been with the First Order forever, so It didn't make since why he hadn't seemed to get with the program yet. </p><p>He was quiet most of the time but he seemed to have a sense of humor at least. </p><p>You wished you could tell him your secret, that you could get him out of here, and that he could have a good life. </p><p>You sigh and continue your work. </p><p>After a few more hours of work, you glance around, everyone had left for mealtime. You nod thoughtfully, turning off the satellite tracker, and place the radio headset on and began to search for the cloaked signal of the Millennium Falcon. After taping your secret binary, someone responds. </p><p>"______! Is that you?" Poe responded on the headset!</p><p>"Yes, I have an update for Leia." You respond</p><p>"This is great, go on, I'm listening." </p><p>"The First Order, they're still searching for the resistance, but what's new. They're re-building, I'm doing all I can to rig as many ships as I can, but the Captain checks all my work. I've placed some faulty wiring in some of the communication systems, it's practically undetectable. If we can transmit the right frequency, it could trigger a reaction and the ships could explode, I could try rig most on this base by the  end of next month." You say breathlessly, as your Captain could open the ship door any minute.</p><p>"How many ships do you work on a day?" Poe asks</p><p>"I-I don't know, I lose track. But it doesn't matter. But the First Order, they're so much more ruthless. To everyone, even high ranking officials. One slip up, punishment. I'm surprised half of the cadets get fed." You say sadly. </p><p>"One day they're going to pay for everything they've done." Poe says angrily. </p><p>"I know Poe, I promise they will. I have to go, I've been talking for far to long. Goodbye Poe, may the force be with you."</p><p>You take the headset off and reset the signal to the default. You grab the history disk, break it in half and throw it in the nearest trash compactor.</p><p>Hearing Poe's voice makes you homesick.</p><p>You weren't angry at him much anymore. You just missed him. He was a good person and he was special to you. </p><p>You gather your tools and go to Captain Lionne for your next assignment. You had to fix the shields system in one of the control rooms, the screen flickered too much apparently and 'impaired absolute functionality'. </p><p>As you hum to yourself, and crank your wrench to tighten a couple of bolts, you don't notice a dark presence behind you. </p><p>"I was right, you are strong with the force." </p><p>You shoot your head around. </p><p>It was Kylo Ren. </p><p>"Supreme leader Ren. I apologize for not noting your presence sooner." You fall back, and force yourself to hold your tongue, oh how you wanted to kill him for everything he's done.</p><p>"Oh enough with the apologies, we haven't the time. What are you, a radar technician? How have I not noticed you sooner?" He says, looking at you curiously. </p><p>"I'm not sure I know what you're talking about." You lie, but you were unsure. He said you were strong with the Force? How did you not know this wasn't another one of his infamous lies? </p><p>"You are most curious. I can't see into your thoughts. Are you even trying to keep me out?" He seems to find trying to break into your mind amusing. </p><p>You want to scoff and spit in his face...but your don't. </p><p>"I-I don't think so. You're trying to get into my head?" You ask nervously. </p><p>That's when you do it back, you push into his thoughts. </p><p>He's feeling weak. Vulnerable. </p><p>And he was thinking of Rey, when he first met her, when she pushed into his thoughts. </p><p>That's when more emotions hit you. Strong ones. </p><p>Anger </p><p>Hatred</p><p>Weakness</p><p>"Get out." He snarls angrily. </p><p>"Unlike if I penetrated you mind, your not so careful you're..." he pauses to search for the right word, "Sloppy, I could teach you. You could be my... apprentice." he says carefully </p><p>The audacity of him. His apprentice? Teach you? </p><p>"Yes I see it. Strength, power." He says, his eyes fill with a fire, it terrifies you. </p><p>He waves a hand over you face, and you fall asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. t h r e e</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Y/ n </p><p>Cold. </p><p>It feels cold. </p><p>Wake up</p><p>Wake up </p><p>You sharply gasp in pain as you push your whole body up. </p><p>But you can't. </p><p>Your head spins, and the florescent light above seems to blind you, you go to cover your eyes with your hands, but your can't. </p><p>Your hands and ankles are in tight restraints. </p><p>You growl in frustration as you wiggle your wrists in attempt to free them, but you can't, the binds are too tight. </p><p>You hear the mechanical door slide open behind you. </p><p>"Ah, comfortable?" You hear a voice ask from behind you. </p><p>You hold your tongue, you recognize this voice. </p><p>Supreme Leader Ren. </p><p>You look at man now standing in front of you. </p><p>You want to push into his mind again, open the very wounds that sting the most, his own weaknesses, see how they bleed.</p><p>But you don't, you know better. </p><p>Although your not in his mind, now that your new found sense has awoke, you were so much more attentive and sensitive to your surroundings. </p><p>You could feel it, he was afraid. Of you? You weren't sure. </p><p>But the thought of his fear gave a sense of pleasure to you, and you almost grinned. </p><p>But then your remembered, monsters are most dangerous when they're afraid.</p><p>Everything about him screamed darkness, hate, madness, from his black hair. His black eyes. </p><p>But now up close, his eyes were just brown.</p><p>Something deep inside you wanted to feel pitty for him. </p><p>After all, monsters are made. We'll never really know who Ben Solo was supposed to be. </p><p>"Not really." You answer truthfully, for once. </p><p>He makes noise that sounds like a laugh, but it's just a hollow, empty, unfeeling sound. </p><p>It makes your skin crawl. </p><p>"I can't seem to get out of you, who you really are. Where your come from. But I've decided. You impenetrable mind. Your strength, it's most desirable in a time like this. It can be used...molded." The way he's says it, like he's already seen your whole life play out in front of him.</p><p>His words make your stomach lurch. Your own words seem to repeat in your head. </p><p>Monsters are made </p><p>Monsters are...molded?</p><p>Would he make you kill? How deep were you willing to go into all of this? Would it be your fault if the Resistance met it's downfall for good? </p><p>Would he make you a monster too?</p><p>Kylo glances in your direction, like he expects you to say something. But you keep your lips sealed tightly, and eyes to the floor. He walks behind you once more and opens the door, </p><p>"Escort the prisoner to her new chambers immediately." He says to the troopers waiting outside. </p><p>You don't dare trying anything, you were in hot water, one wrong move and, it would boil. </p><p>The troopers unlock your from your restraints and place two heavy manacles on each wrist.</p><p>They begin to shuffle quickly down the hall, their hands hold your arms tightly, and they point their tip of their blasters into your sides.</p><p>The base seems almost too big, too many twists and turns, and worst of all, everything looks the same. </p><p>You do your best to memorize the route to your chambers, a habit you've picked up from what little time you've had with the First Order.</p><p>When you finally arrive, you're admittedly surprised.</p><p>This is not a prison cell. </p><p>It's an actual room, with a real full bed and dresser. </p><p>The storm troopers shove you inside and seal the door. This makes you more nervous.</p><p>You would've been more comfortable in a prison cell. <br/>For such a small room it's shouldn't have felt so empty. <br/>Maybe the room reflected the person that stayed in it. </p><p>It's strange, how the thought of becoming a monster shook you to your core.</p><p>You've seen what the force can do to people first hand. <br/>It made you think about your mother. She was in the Rebellion when the Empire was alive. Everything probably seemed fine, until the First Order rose from the ashes of the Empire. </p><p>You lie on your bed, and spin the manacles around your wrists. One little part stuck out on them, and it was so if someone were to activate them, they'd snap together and you hands would be tethered in front on you. You didn't know what to call this. Imprisonment, just didn't feel like the right word. </p><p>What a mess you had gotten yourself into. What would the Resistance think if you didn't give them any updates for a month or two. Would they think you died? </p><p>You shouldn't have taken this job. You dream was to die with honor, like a proper soldier should. </p><p>You realize, the Resistance can't come back for you. </p><p>They couldn't risk it. </p><p>Your heart seemed to ache just thinking about it. But what would you tell them? Would they believe you could use the Force? You thought of Rey, how she moved those rocks, only with her mind. How she brought the Falcon and saved everyone. </p><p>She was a hero. </p><p>Who were you? </p><p>You felt like a you were a traitor. One of every kind, even of blood, especially of nature. Would you become a villain? Work at the the very heart of the Order and kill for them, just to save your own skin? Kill for the very cause everyone you'd ever loved seemed to died to or fought against?</p><p>You'd rather be the one who dies. </p><p>The Order didn't seem to have any good intentions. You could feel it inside you, there was no longer a balance. </p><p>Too much darkness, not enough light. </p><p>You thought Rey would change that, make it better. </p><p>But it remained. </p><p>You know Luke thought the Jedi needed to end. But, it made no sense.</p><p>There always seemed to be an Order of dark, the Sith, the Empire, the First Order. But why couldn't there be an Order of light? The galaxy needed the Jedi. And maybe even the Republic too.</p><p>Well, the Jedi had their faults but, they were important, and well...kinda cool. After all, they were infamous for having laser swords. Or, lightsabers, actually. </p><p>Your thoughts were free, you were trying to keep your mind off your captor but it seemed impossible not to. </p><p>You still felt him, in the force. </p><p>He scared you, when you looked in his mind, it was like looking into an empty, hopeless void. </p><p>He seemed like he was just a shell full of ghosts. </p><p>You hated yourself for pitying him. But you couldn't help it, he seemed so broken. So...angry. </p><p>You wanted to tell him he still had a choice, everyone does. </p><p>But you think you both knew that was a lie. </p><p>He'd be imprisoned for life at best for war crimes by the Resistance, but the thing that made it most impossible was, he needed power. </p><p>You just met him but you feel like you'd know him forever. </p><p>Even if you did help him, he'd always chose power in the end. </p><p>When it really mattered. </p><p>You sigh, your stomach is tight with worry. There was no way you were going to sleep, but you turn off the lights anyway. </p><p>And lie, in the darkness, feeling like a grim emptiness is seeping into your heart in the absence of love.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. f o u r</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Y/ n </p><p>"Again" </p><p>"You're not trying." </p><p>"Again!" </p><p>Every time Kylo hurled an insult at your form you mentally cringed. </p><p>You trip backwards and fall against the wall, painting and sweaty, you can't catch your breath. Suddenly Kylo's fiery red saber is inches away from your face. </p><p>"You don't seem to understand. Do you think the Resistance will rest? Huh?" He snapped </p><p>"If I could just rest." You beg, gulping in air. </p><p>"Again!" He yells jabbing the tip of the saber toward you. </p><p>You force yourself up. </p><p>He didn't give you a saber of your own, he said you weren't ready. So he decided he was going to teach you what to do if you were without weapon against an armed opponent.</p><p>You knew he meant Rey, but the only fight you'd ever get into with Rey would be about the proper way to fly the Falcon. (Her methods of repair were arguable, but you still respected them.)</p><p>As you and Kylo circle across the sparing mat you can see him planning his next attack. He won't do any fatal moves, you're sure of it. But you know he won't hesitate to injure you to prove a point. </p><p>"Use you anger, let it fuel your fight. Push it around you, let it fill you up." He says menacingly from across the mat. Swinging his saber threateningly. </p><p>You don't know why you listened to him, but you thought about all the things you were angry about, the pain you were subjected to here, all the people you had to leave behind. </p><p>You were snapped from your thoughts, Kylo suddenly charges you, a truly fatal move. The tip would shove right through you chest if you didn't move.</p><p>You did as you were told, you allowed the anger fill you up. Your hand flies out in front of you, and you will Kylo to fly back, pushing every feeling into what you wanted. And he did.</p><p>His body lands on the other side of the arena with a hard thump. </p><p>You cover your mouth, realizing what you'd done. </p><p>"M-master Ren?" You ask, terror filling your voice. You hoped you hadn't hurt him. You didn't want to be responsible for killing Kylo Ren, after all, Rey had already killed Snoke.</p><p>Luckily he was getting up, but he lingers on his knees holding his middle. He eventually wipes his mouth, and stumbles up. He looks a bit embarrassed.</p><p>"T-Training is over. Resume to your chambers." He mumbles, shoving pass you.</p><p>You watch him leave in disbelief, did you...did you just beat him? </p><p>Impossible. </p><p>He just gave up like that. He really was weak. </p><p>You huff and begin walking to you chambers.</p><p>When you arrive you take off your training clothes and take a quick shower, and afterward change into some dark red robes. </p><p>Lying on your bed, your hair was still damp, which annoyed you. Then you notice the wave of exhaustion that suddenly folds over you. Using the Force was so tiring sometimes. Especially since you used it for useless reasons to, to...practice?</p><p>Soon enough your eyes close and you can feel yourself fall into a dream. </p><p>You can see into someone's room, but you're standing in your own also, it's like it your reality melted of into another. </p><p>You feel confused.</p><p>You could feel someone next to you, you turn, it's Kylo. </p><p>He's sitting in a chair, he must be thinking. He looks so tired. </p><p>Was this his room?</p><p>Could he see you? </p><p>You walk over to his seat. </p><p>You whisper "Kylo?" And wave a hand in his face. </p><p>Your hand stays in front of his face, you don't know what washes over you, but you placed your hand gently on his cheek, your thumb touching his scar.</p><p>Only now did he seem to notice you, his brown eyes flick over to yours. He looks deadpan and then it melts into something that appears like an ancient sadness. It makes you feel something for him besides pure rage. </p><p>As you stare into his eyes, its like something opens between the two of you. Like suddenly you know him, really know him. Like somehow you know not just Kylo but Ben Solo too. </p><p>The word tumbles out of your mouth before you can stop it, </p><p>"Ben" you say, barely above a whisper.</p><p>Suddenly, the world around you changes, and you fall onto the floor, you're on a different planet now, its raining heavily, and in the darkness of night and you lie on the muddy ground. And Kylo stands in front of you, saber bleeding red as he points it at you accusingly, while 7 of so other men stand behind him. Just as the saber swings towards you, you wake up, breathing heavily, and crying. </p><p>"I don't want to do this anymore." You cry, falling off the bed and sobbing uncontrollably. </p><p>You hated it here, it was so cruel, it made so much sense why Finn left. And Kylo, he was a— a maniac. You just wanted to be with all your friends again, you wished you couldn't use the Force and that, you'd never decided to be brave. You wished you'd stayed a coward forever. </p><p>There were plenty of other opportunities to be brave. Why did you have to pick this one? </p><p>Since the beginning of time you felt like you had a destiny. </p><p>You prayed this wasn't it, that whatever you saw, whatever that was, was fake. The Force tricking you. This couldn't be your fate.</p><p>You didn't want to feel anything for Kylo Ren, because then It'd be harder to kill him when the time was right.</p><p>You just knew that, when it was time, you'd be the one to kill him. </p><p>Whatever that bridge was, the connection you made, it just had to be forgotten. You couldn't connect with him, in such an intimate, personal way. Feeling pitty for him was bad enough, but when you got so close to him...</p><p>You realized you could  love him. </p><p>But right now you felt like you couldn't, that you couldn't ever love that, that, monster, he didn't want to be redeemed, he didn't want light or dark he just wanted power. And he would give up anything for it. Even you. </p><p>You feel like the Force has trapped you in a cage with a monster. A murderous snake. </p><p>He didn't mind this cage because he knew he was in control..but this time you know what you have to do to keep yourself protected. </p><p>When everything seems to settle you can feel the Force trying to show you something. To any other, a sharp poke in the senses would hurt, but to you, the ringing in your ears only meant one thing, </p><p>Follow your destiny.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. f i v e</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Poe </p><p>Hope is like the sun. If you only believe in it when you see it, you'll never make it through the night.</p><p>I'm so worried. All the time now. </p><p>______ hasn't given her update for three weeks. </p><p>What if she's dead? </p><p>Or in trouble? </p><p>And we don't even know. </p><p>It's my fault her friend died, and now it's me fault she's dead. </p><p>The Resistance has lost hope. I'm tired of subsisting on hope but it's all we have, I just have to keep believing maybe ______ is still alive. </p><p>No one came when we cried for help on the Battle of Crait.</p><p>I suppose I just have to keep believing. </p><p>Rey</p><p>I can feel _____ in the Force. She's alive. </p><p>I had no idea she could use the force. </p><p>But I've always sort of felt it. </p><p>A buzz whenever I'd be with the Resistance. In the back of my mind, other than Leia. It was her too.</p><p>I hope Kylo stays away from her, I once too fell victim to him manipulation.</p><p>I hope she's okay.</p><p>(Y/n)</p><p>Kylo's throne room was truly pathetic. You'd stand behind him as he did whatever he did as he sat on the throne (you actually weren't sure...) And after you'd train in the sparring room, and he'd let you go. </p><p>But life was hard, you'd become hard. There was little kindness here and you barely ate or slept. Now it was training time once more as you walk down the halls of the base. </p><p>You'd ate a small breakfast and actually took a shower and changed into your training robes. You probably look empty. Well because you were.</p><p>He gave you robes that were much too big and you're boots are uncomfortable and pinch your toes. Your eyes had dark bruises underneath and you had a sad expression most of the time. And he made you wear heavy black cloak that disguised your face and body. </p><p>Taking the longest walk ever to the training room, you slide the door open. </p><p>He was angry, you could sense it. </p><p>An angry master was never good, he was even more cold and ruthless when he was mad. </p><p>"Master." You greet, bowing slowly. </p><p>"Enough with that, let's begin." He says, waving a hand "Dodge my attacks." </p><p>He gives you just enough time to remove your cloak.</p><p>This time training was different, his hand flicks up and you fly across the room. Landing straight on your back, the wind is knocked out of you, air, somehow unable to find your lungs. </p><p>"What are you doing!" You weeze, still laying down. </p><p>"Take it." He tosses his lightsaber across to you. </p><p>"W-what?" You mutter, forcing yourself up, looking at the saber across from you. He'd never given you a weapon before. </p><p>"Take it." He says again, throwing his gloves on the ground, revealing his bare hands. "It's only fair." He mocks. </p><p>You grimace at him, picking up the saber. Igniting it. It felt...strange. You felt different, angrier. </p><p>He looks toward you, almost smirking, as if he can see right through the walls you put up. </p><p>"AGHHHHH!" You yell, charging him violently. He honestly looks surprised, but he uses the Force and freezes you right in your tracks. </p><p>You were frozen in terror, practically ready for death. Ready for him to strike you down without mercy.</p><p>He releases his Force grip on your body and you fall to the ground, the saber on the floor in front of you. After lunging up, you reach out with you hand, trying to pull it toward you. Kylo dose the same, the saber in air, balanced between you. </p><p>You were unaccustomed to the force, and untrained. So you release your pull first and fall to the ground once again. </p><p>You hear the saber ignite and force yourself to your feet once more, but Kylo had already charged. You raise your arms in defense, but you aren't quick enough to stop him. The tip of the red blade skids across your neck and jaw-bone in one swift movement. </p><p>You fall to the ground, defeated, as you thrash in agony. You could feel the wound pulse and the smell of burnt flesh fills your nose. Although it was cauterized, it would leave a nasty scar like Kylo's. But yours would be from your collar bone to your chin. </p><p>Kylo was suddenly right next to you, he tries to hold you up, perhaps help you, but you smack him in his chest and yell. </p><p>"Get away from me!" </p><p>He backs off. </p><p>"I-I'll get a doctor." He stutters, he gets up and runs to the door.</p><p>As if he hadn't done worse things to a person than this.</p><p>The pain must be too much, little spots appear in your vision and your head hits the ground.</p><p>________</p><p>When you wake up, you're in bed. </p><p>You're so thirsty, you walk into your bathroom to get a drink, but when you see yourself in the mirror you're taken aback; You had a long black bandage across your wound, you press your fingers onto it gently and wince as you feel the stitches underneath. You were dressed in some new soft black garments that were long and loose. A nice change from the training robes.</p><p>When you walk back into your bedroom, you jump.</p><p>Their stands Kylo.</p><p>He was wearing his uniform, but without the cape. His eyes fixed to your bed.</p><p>"M-master." You greet quietly. </p><p>He swallows hard and his expression changes as he looks upon you, "I'd like to apologize about injuring you, given the First Orders circumstances, I shouldn't harm such a necessary attribute." </p><p>Necessary?</p><p>His eyes flick to your bandaged neck. You try to cover it in your self consciousness. </p><p>"It's no use..." He says, his eyes flicking to the floor, "I should know." He gently touches the scar on his face.</p><p>You feel a...a surge of shameful compassion, but bury it deep down. Like you usually did with positive feelings towards Ben. </p><p>"Well, yes I suppose...could— could I ask you a question?" You mutter quietly.</p><p>"Yes." </p><p>"Am I supposed to be able to see you sometimes...like through the Force? Is it because you're my Master?" You ask, thinking of your connection with him weeks before.</p><p>"Not unless...The Force can sometimes bond people, but, it's not a connection among all Force users. But Force sensitive people can in a way, feel one another. If I reach out, I know you're there. That's how I found you." He says, he looks a depressed, but you aren't sure why. </p><p>"Did you see it too?" You ask. </p><p>"Excuse me?" He says looking at you strangely. </p><p>"I-I saw you in the Force. In your bedroom. Did you see me?" You ask, feeling a little embarrassed. </p><p>"I thought that it was just a....a dream. I guess the Force connected us. I suppose that will be...useful in missions." He said, turning stiff again. </p><p>"I-In the connection, I called you Ben. Is that your name?" You ask, playing your part. After all, you're not supposed to know who he is. </p><p>"No. Ben is dead. It is forbidden to say that name. And you will address me properly as Master or Supreme Leader. Training will resume tomorrow, wound or no wound. " He says coldly as he walks out and the door slides shut.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. s i x</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You weren't afraid of dying. </p><p>Really and truly, dying for the Resistance was a fantasy. Actually, it was the way you hoped you'd die. You'd be a hero, and will have died for something worth fighting for. </p><p>But the thing that did scare you was dying for nothing. </p><p>And you felt like that was the way you'd die. And it terrified you. </p><p>You lied melancholy in bed like you did now most days. It reminded you of how you'd felt when your parents had disappeared. </p><p>They were farmers and it was supposed to be like any other trip, they were supposed to leave to the neighboring system, sell their wares, and come back home. But they didn't come back the next day, or the day after, or ever again. </p><p>You stayed at the farm for a long time, too afraid to leave. Too afraid that they'd come back for there daughter who wasn't their. </p><p>You just kept dusting the crops with your father's old ship. Tried to keep living. Forced yourself to grow up too fast.</p><p>Until the First Order invaded your plant and you escaped. </p><p>Then you met Poe, a Resistance pilot, and threw yourself into the ring. You managed to impress him, (which wasn't easy), and he told you about the destruction you could prevent. </p><p>Now you got yourself in this mess. </p><p>A knock sounds at your door, interrupting your thoughts. </p><p>You get up from your bed and press a button, opening the door. </p><p>"Supreme Leader has requested your presence." It was a stormtrooper. </p><p>You sigh, putting on your cloak on and leaving with him. He holds on to your arm tightly and once again, shoves the blaster into your side. </p><p>Your manacles clip together in front of you. It surprises you, you'd almost forgotten about them with the constant weight of the cuffs on your wrists.</p><p>He must've wanted another round of training. You'd been slacking off lately. Your scar constantly reminded you of your failures and that the monster Kylo was creating was alive and well. </p><p>You couldn't look at yourself in the mirror anymore. It hurt too much. To see what you'd become.</p><p>Your Force connection with Kylo didn't make it any better. You saw him all the time. In your dreams mostly. But it was strange, he was always wide awake in your dreams, vividly. Unlike you, who was in a strange lucid state. </p><p>The trooper halted to a stop in front of a strange room you'd never seen before. </p><p>This wasn't his throne room...</p><p>The stormtrooper releases you, and you slide the door open and walk inside. </p><p>It was a large meeting room, but other occupants must've been dismissed. Only Kylo sat, the other dozen or so chairs, empty. </p><p>Lowering the hood of your cloak you begin to speak, <br/>"Supreme Leader, you wanted to see me?" </p><p>"Yes. I have some plans I'd like to discuss with you." He waves his hand towards the empty seat next to him. </p><p>You sit, shuffling uncomfortably. Plans? </p><p>"I have to visit allies of the Order. To reassure them we stand with them with Snoke gone. And to assure them that I'm am a competent leader. And you're going to come with me. What better way to display my strength than with my apprentice?" </p><p>You choke. </p><p>"W-What will this be, a— a tour? A parade of strength? Am I a prize to be seized?" You croak nervously. </p><p>"________, you must see the bigger picture. Let go of whatever your holding on too." He says, waving his hands, as if he can show you what it all means. "You'll come to understand soon enough. That the Dark side of the Force better, more fulfilling. I can feel your conflict. I may not be able to see into your mind but, it will soon be resolved, I know." He places a hand on your shoulder, it surprises you along with when he called you by your name.</p><p>He knows? </p><p>You look at his hand with confusion, his small smile disappears as he too seems to realize the kind gesture he made, and he pulls away quickly. </p><p>He clears his throat, "Well you're presence is no longer required, dismissed." </p><p>You nod solemnly, and walk out. There is no escort this time.</p><p>You know what you need to do. </p><p>_</p><p>Clicking the button, the hologram is transmitted. You let out a breath of relief and hope the Resistance will follow your instructions and trust your message. </p><p>You had already received your reports about the First Orders allies. You had to learn about them so you can greet them appropriately and let them know your place of power. Your ship would leave from the base in the next few days. </p><p>This was a make or break for you. It was a true integration into the high ranks of the Order. You'd actually find some useful information for the Resistance and they could plan something big, with your guidance of course. </p><p>Too bad you weren't able to rig anymore ships, but you could rig more important things. </p><p>It was time, you had to make the First Order pay.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. s e v e n</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You arrived on the first planet in no time. </p><p>Kylo sat in front of you as the ship made its way into the atmosphere. </p><p>Planet Sotra, in the Invaldi System. </p><p>It was a strange planet, it was on the outer-rims of course, well hidden to avoid conflicting with enemies. It was just another place to get soldiers honestly. The planet had no remarkable resources and was mostly a vast ocean except for two continents populated by humans and few other species. They had their own government, but it was weak. There was too much diplomatic friction within it, so the First Order took over almost instantly.</p><p>Kylo stood up, pulling you from your thoughts and you did the same, placing your mask on your face and pulling your cloak up. This time you had tailored robes and boots. You didn't feel like yourself. But who were you anymore?</p><p>As you stood in front of the hatch, waiting for it to open to the ground below, Kylo began to speak in a low voice. </p><p>"Keep quiet. Don't speak unless spoken to. Which you won't be. Just...prepare yourself. " </p><p>You swallow hard at his words, as the ramp begins to lower to the ground below. </p><p>You adjust your mask once more, and take a deep breath. You pray the Resistance took your message to heart and had begun to take action. </p><p>Kylo walks off the ramp swiftly, his cape dragging perfectly behind him. </p><p>After minor introductions, you begin to walk down the path following Kylo, as he followed Jih Boor, the leader of Sotra, to the palace up on the hill. You hoped the negotiations would be short. </p><p>Standing behind Kylo at the table council of Sotra was not something one considers a great privilege. It filled you with anxiety, everyone's eyes kept flickering to you. </p><p>It was true, you probably looked more intimidating than Kylo. Your mask was fearful, after all Kylo designed it himself.</p><p>Suddenly the building shook violently, you could feel the ground rumble. This wasn't the Resistance, It couldn't have been, so who was it? </p><p>"The Amphsians! They've attacked!" Jih Boor yelled. </p><p>You on the other hand were engulfed by survival instinct, and this, need, to get back the Resistance suddenly took you over. </p><p>You burst out of the palace, and start to bound toward the vast ocean, your mind full of clarity, but your body insisting it was in danger. </p><p>Placing you hands on the helmet you lift it off, throw it on the sand and run into the ocean. Suddenly your head was underneath the water, and then you were back on Lah'mu. Dad never was able to teach you how to swim, even though you were surrounded by water and black sanded beaches at home. You saw the sky fade away as you drifted deeper into the ocean. </p><p>You were at peace and accepted you fate. Waiting for the world to fade, you saw a murky figure swim towards you, as you prepared to become one with the Force. </p><p>_</p><p>When you woke up, you assumed you had died and this was the afterlife. But It wasn't, it was a strange room. But you knew where you were.</p><p>There was a medical droid, and a couple of machines, but nothing more. </p><p>"What happened?" You ask the droid, your voice hoarse.</p><p>"You were drowning. But you survived. The odds of you living were very low." The droid says, "I will alert my master you're awake." </p><p>You nod, and lay back down. Ready to go back to your room at the base. </p><p>Moments later the door opens, and Kylo Ren reveals himself. He was in a casual black uniform and his hair looked like it had been done recently, but he looked horrible. His eyes had bruises underneath them and his scar looked...different. </p><p>He clears his throat, "What were you doing back there, on Sotra? Are you insane?" </p><p>You don't know what to say...</p><p>"I'm...not sure." </p><p>He looks at you angrily. "It was irresponsible and cowardly and stupid," he scoffs, "and you can't swim?" </p><p>"I was never taught." You mumble. </p><p>"Where do you come from?" </p><p>"It's not important." you deflect. </p><p>His eyes flick to your scar. </p><p>He waves his hand dismissively. "You just...It made me look weak. Don't run away again. Or I won't hesitate <br/>to—" he stops, "just...be more careful." He mutters and leaves the room.</p><p>Compassion from him was rare you allow yourself to just savor it, just a little. Before you grab your things and leave back to your room. On your way back,  you grab some files from General Hux who didn't like you, but definitely liked you more than Kylo. </p><p>In your room you continue to keep yourself busy by studying on your computer, battle tactics, galactic wars, and languages, it was a habit you'd picked up when you parents disappeared.</p><p>Besides working the fields and crop dusting it was all you had back then.</p><p>And once again, when there was no one left to comfort you, it was all you had.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. e i g h t</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Meeting. Sitting. Waiting. Training.</p><p>It's all you ever did.</p><p>Or ever seem to do. </p><p>Kylo was right, you were getting stronger with the Force. This wasn't a good thing to you. For some reason you just knew Kylo like no other person did. You knew what he liked, what he didn't like. You knew he had the same thing for breakfast in the morning everyday. You even knew he could do calligraphy, and had a calligraphy set in his bedroom. It was kind of disturbing that he felt like a close friend. But knowing him like this was a burden, if you posed any threat to Kylo....</p><p>But sometimes there were moments when he'd look at you, and he'd have this great pain in his eyes, and your heart would ache for him. But because it was business as usual, you shut those feelings out. </p><p>You sat at your desk and tried your best to force him out of your thoughts. These files were of the utmost importance after all, the First Order was building something. What it was? Honestly you didn't know. The files didn't describe the weapon in depth, only that it was something of great power and even greater potential.</p><p>This wasn't going to be a Death Star. <br/>Not even a new Starkiller Base. <br/>No, it was going to be something even greater.</p><p>Feeling a disturbance within the Force, you glanced to the side. Expecting a gray, metal wall, In it's place instead stood Kylo Ren, you were once again connected by the Force. </p><p>You dropped the stylus you were working with. And Kylo turned around. Wherever he was, he'd been looking through a window, into a large metal workshop of some sort. A place like a large ship hangar. You could feel that whatever was being built was the weapon. </p><p>You turned in your chair to face him. </p><p>Turning around all the way, sensing you, he tilted his head a few degrees to the side. </p><p>He paused slightly. </p><p>"Somethings bothering you." </p><p>You look at him in surprise, and respond carefully. </p><p>"I feel...so alone." You wince slightly, and preparing  backlash about exposing your weaknesses. </p><p>His facial expressions turns unreadable once more. </p><p>"You're not." </p><p>Trying not to lose your composure you respond, </p><p>"I think I just miss my family." </p><p>"You have a family?" He asks </p><p>You mentally yell at yourself. You've said too much. Shaking your head slightly you say, "Well...no, not really. Not anymore." </p><p>"What happened to them?" He takes a pace forward. </p><p>"I'm not sure. I like to think they're dead. It makes things easier." </p><p>Seemingly wounded, he turns around sharply towards his weapon.</p><p>"Yes, I suppose it does." </p><p>____</p><p>There were some responsibilities you couldn't avoid here. </p><p>Kylo wanted people to know you were his new right hand. With a mask on of course. </p><p>Kylo had approached you with the mask earlier, you'd thought you'd thrown into the bottom of the Sobustkian ocean. Destroying the terrible thing. He forced it into your arms and looked you in the eyes for a few awkward seconds, and then walked away. </p><p>Shaking your head, you adjusted your uniform one last time. You took in a deep shaky breath, placing your hands on the mask, and putting it on. </p><p>You didn't like it for three main reasons, you couldn't see in it, it made you feel like the very thing you sought to destroy, and people were genuinely afraid of you when you wore it. So much so, you couldn't walk into a room with it on and not feel the Force around you flood with terror.</p><p>But today was the day, it was a test to see if you were competent enough to be kept around as an apprentice. </p><p>Walking around the corner you had finally reached the auditorium, but to you it was so much more. Just looking at the mere number of people in the room filled you with anxiety, not to mention that these numbers were far more than General Organa's worst case scenarios. </p><p>You held back a gasp. You allowed yourself to hurt for the Resistance for just a moment, before walking to your masters side obediently.</p><p>Kylo brightened at your arrival, he stood up more straight, and gave you a strange look. It was it out of character, to say the least, he'd never looked at you that way before. You shook it off reluctantly as he turned his head and began to speak, </p><p>"As you know, the Resistance is few. They have a scavenger, a traitor, and a suicidal pilot," You could see Hux and many of the upper officers smirk, you other hand squirmed uncomfortably. He was wrong, you had a Jedi, a hero, and a hell of a good pilot. And now, a spy. </p><p>However the back of your mind still whispered, we have your mother too. She misses you...</p><p>"We've placed a large bounty for their arrests, 70,000 credits for any high ranking members. 20,000 for any member of the Resistance. We hope this will...motivate any civilians to continue searching for the criminals. They are terrorists of the First Order. Security and Strength will protect us. Defend Order. And you have my personal orders to kill any Rebels on sight."  Kylo spits, he stands up, cape dragging behind him.</p><p>  ____  </p><p>You weave your way through the hordes of officers and storm-troopers, they break apart easily making way for Kylo's new right hand. </p><p>You have to get to him, you have to save him. </p><p>Duran </p><p>You spot him in the crowd and grab his arm, pulling him into an empty corridor. You see his eyes fill with fright, you can tell he thinks he's about to die. He begins to sputter nonsense apologies, seemingly confessing every sin he'd ever committed to the Order.</p><p>Placing your hands on your mask and tugging violently, your face is revealed,</p><p>"Duran, Duran, it's me! It's me!" You say placing your hand your on his shoulder.</p><p>"_______! You're alive!" He smiles gleefully, "You...you're Kylo Ren's apprentice?"</p><p>"Duran, listen to me please. You have to leave, you have to get out of here." </p><p>"What are you talking about?" He looks at you, obviously confused</p><p>"Just promise me you'll leave, please, promise me you'll leave and find the Resistance. Duran, I'm trusting you, please. You know what you're doing is wrong." </p><p>He seems stunned. </p><p>"Duran?" </p><p>He blinks slowly and responds, </p><p>"I...I've known for a long time. My Father was a Rebellion fighter. I should've known I made the wrong choice a long time ago. But, I can't leave. The person I love, I'm waiting for her." </p><p>"Duran..." You stop, the woman Duran loved, was far away, you knew that most. </p><p>"I know, she's probably going to die. But if I even have a sliver of a chance of seeing her again." He says "but your secrets safe with me, and I'm grateful for you trying to save me. But I can't leave." </p><p>You shake your head "Ok, Duran. But...promise me, you won't go against them, not here. I can't have another person's blood on my hands." </p><p>He looks at you solemnly, "You already do."</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. n i n e</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Somehow, you understood. </p><p>Everything Duran said, you understood. You weren't the one who walked away from the conversation first, he was. He left you there, confused and hurt. But you understood why he stayed for someone he'd loved.</p><p>You'd only been in love once before. </p><p>Pax Cruise, he was a farmers son on Lah'mu. Then the First Order came...and suddenly Pax's lifeless body laid on the black sand, his body, like every other rebel's, was washed away by the tide. Pax would've given you a good life, but nothing would've changed.</p><p>They'd taken everything from you. Duran was wrong. None of this was your fault, none of the the bloodshed of the First Order was on your hands. </p><p>In a fit of absolute rage you used the Force and grabbed a blaster from the holster of a stormtrooper. Firing at the wall in front of you repeatedly, yelling madly until the handle burned. Dropping the blaster, the fit ended as soon as it came. </p><p>What'd just happened? </p><p>Breathing heavily you kicked the blaster to the side. Grabbing your mask and marching away. </p><p>_</p><p>You were called to a meeting by the Supreme Leader, but even after having that fit you were still angry.</p><p>After arriving, you stood by Kylo. You weren't sure what they were talking about, you never read the debriefing. Soon, your old Captain stood up. As if your anger couldn't increase, it toppled over the edge. You remembered the sting of the electricity from your punishments. The time she'd slapped a young cadet and starved her. </p><p>Your fist clinched.</p><p>Captain Lionne began to adjust her collar. And then she stopped speaking and instead, started gasping for air. Everyone began to mumble and shuffle uncomfortably.</p><p>Kylo glanced at you. </p><p>He grabbed your hand that was unclenched and held it. </p><p>You released your grip and turned to look at him. He still hadn't let go of your hand. </p><p>Inside your head you heard him whisper to you,</p><p>"Enough."</p><p>He cleared his throat and the meeting continued. </p><p>_</p><p>You got to the training room first. The only reason you'd ever get there early is to let out excess anger. But this time, it wasn't because of that. It was because you wanted to catch Ben off guard and talk to him. </p><p>Of course you had to be careful, but you wanted to tell him that whatever had happened in that meeting, could never happen again, it was too dangerous for the Resistance and yourself. </p><p>You'd already grown to somewhat care about Ben, after your Force bond. But you couldn't shake off all of the terrible things he'd done. </p><p>He was the murder of billions, the reason people closest to you died. He could've even been the reason your parents were gone.</p><p>You heard Ben's booming footsteps coming from down the hall. He stormed inside. He wasn't wearing his uniform, but instead robes like yours, he'd abandoned his gloves but his saber still hung at his side. </p><p>"Ben," you shouted softly. </p><p>He glanced back at you, stopping. </p><p>"I told you not to call me by that name. It's forbidden." </p><p>"I know but if I could just—"</p><p>"Can you even do simple tasks? There's a reason that name is forbidden, it's because Ben Solo was weak! And he was foolish! That's why Snoke took it away from him! Made him follow his destiny!" The air crackles with the familiar feeling of the Force.</p><p>There's that monster again. </p><p>Ben Solo, falls to his knees. His eyes were of a man who'd been tortured. </p><p>You betrayed yourself, you walked over and keeled down to him. </p><p>"What did he do to you Ben?" </p><p>He looked up at you with tears in his eyes.</p><p>"Do you know I can't dream?" He shakes his head. "Snoke took that away from me. I used to have terrible nightmares. It was the dark side, I saw everything, Darth Vader, the Emperor. I saw all of it. And it scared me. The light, started to call out to me. And so he took it away. So I wouldn't have to worry about it at all." </p><p>"Ben..." </p><p>He grabbed you and hugged you. </p><p>You were so taken aback, you could barely breath. </p><p>_</p><p>You sat there with Ben on the sparing mat. </p><p>Suddenly the two of you were more in sync then you ever been.</p><p>"Feel the Force, feel everything around you. Charge it with your feelings."</p><p>Everything around you lifted off the ground. </p><p>"You're doing it!" Ben exclaimed </p><p>Suddenly General Hux ran into the training room, </p><p>"Supreme Leader, we've spotted Poe Dameron, the scavenger girl, and FN-2187 on Laskaris III." </p><p>"Prepare my ship."</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. t e n</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your heart stopped. </p><p>Finn, Rey and Poe all spotted on Laskaris III. You weren't ready to be pulled out so soon. But you had to save them, you had to get to them, and you had to get to them first. </p><p>It was virtually impossible. </p><p>"We've got them cornered now." The softness in his eyes had been replaced by that burning fire. "My legacy awaits." Kylo stormed away, presumably to him chambers to change. You had to do the same. He'd be going to his shuttle next.</p><p>Walking to your chambers, you changed into your uniform. But the thought of saving your friends throbbed in your head. There was a way to get there before Kylo and the First Order stormed Laskaris III, you had a feeling your handy work was going to play a big role in this battle. </p><p>_</p><p>"Captain I need a ship." </p><p>Captain Lionne turned around with bitterness in her eyes. She trembled when she spoke. </p><p>"I can't let you do that." </p><p>Anger bubbled up inside of you. </p><p>"I don't think that's a good idea Captain." Your fist clenches at your side. Captain Lionne began to cough and gasp for air. </p><p>"I c-can't, w-we've" she stops to gasp for air, "sent all u-units to Laskaris III." </p><p>You clench your fist harder. </p><p>"You're lying." </p><p>She falls to her knees "I-I'll tell you." She wheezes "p...please don't k-kill me." </p><p>You realize what you're  doing and release.</p><p>"T-there's a Xi-Class shuttle on the flight deck. You can take it. I'll sancture the departure. Just don't kill me." She begs.</p><p>"Very well." </p><p>After Caption Lionne approved your departure on her com-link, you turn around and clench your fist until you hear her body fall into a heap on the ground. </p><p>_</p><p>Jumping into the shuttle you place the headset on and begin speaking to the operator, "This is Supreme Leader Kylo Ren's apprentice requesting a sanctioned departure from Captain Lionne in docking bay two on the main flight deck, copy?"</p><p>"This is ship control, your departure has been sanctioned, over?"</p><p>"Yes, the ship is being 're-routed on orders from Supreme Leader himself, it's on a new route to Laskaris III." </p><p>_</p><p>You were entering the atmosphere of Laskaris III, it was dense with people. You'd heard of Laskaris III before. It was a popular trading post. </p><p>Landing your ship, you grab you training robes you had brought with you, no one could know you were in the First Order. It was too dangerous. </p><p>Changing into the robes and putting the cloak on would disguise your face. You could feel Rey close by. But there was a good chance Kylo wasn't far behind.</p><p>After scurrying through the streets, you finally spot the first signs of the First Order, stormtroopers, and they were coming towards you, fast. There was a cantina nearby, you slip through the doors inside. It was bustling, but still you weren't safe, troopers would be storming this place soon enough. </p><p>Spotting a staircase, you walk downwards toward it. You hear voices calling out from the bottom. It was a storage basement, but still you heard whispers. Entering a room, the volume of the whispers grew. It's source was a chest, upon opening it, it was filled with First Order contraband. Blasters, plasma bombs, forged scan docs. But still the whispering stayed.</p><p>Digging to the bottom you found a brown box, it was plain and weathered with age. Opening it up, there it was. </p><p>A lightsaber. </p><p>Dropping the box you fell back. A Jedi's lightsaber. </p><p>You heard footsteps and turned around, it was an alien woman. She had green skin and long appendages on her head like hair, goggles on her forehead, and was wearing a black and red flight-suit. </p><p>"Ah, I see you've found it." She smiled. </p><p>"I'm sorry is this yours? I didn't mean to snoop, it's just that I heard something. I thought something was calling to me." </p><p>"That was Kane's saber. And now it calls to you. I wasn't around the time of the Jedi, but I know the Force." </p><p>"Who's Kane?" You asked</p><p>"Kane was a Jedi, until the Sith came and killed all of them. Kane came here to hide, but he too, like the rest, was killed. I happened upon it but I've never used it. I'm no Jedi, but take it, I have no use for it." She pick: up the box and places it into your hands. </p><p>"Thank you." </p><p>She smiles.</p><p>Then, you heard it, the mechanical voice of storm troopers. The woman's face becomes frightened, you reopen the box and grab the lightsaber. </p><p>"Take it, go!" She cries, leading you to the back exit. </p><p>"I'll never forget this." You nod, strapping the saber to your belt, putting the hood of your cloak up and leaving the cantina.</p><p>_</p><p>Leaving, you saw storm-troopers run straight past you. They were in hot pursuit. Following them must lead to Rey, Finn and Poe. You had to find them first. </p><p>_</p><p>The troopers filed into a alley, but you heard the clatter on the rooftops, you finally saw a glimpse of your friends. Rey ran across the roofs of the buildings with Finn not far behind. But where was Poe? </p><p>Only moments later the barrel of a x-wings engine was the only thing you could hear, the canons fired and the area around you exploded into black smoke, you flew back, landing on a nearby wall. </p><p>Forcing yourself up you run through the wreckage in the direction of Rey and Finn. You slam into someone's body and fall back once more. </p><p>"______!" </p><p>"Rey?" You ask, picking yourself up off the ground once more. </p><p>"Your alive!" She and Finn both grab your hands lovingly.</p><p>"I have so much to tell you all." You say sincerely.</p><p>"Guys," Finn says grabbing you and Rey's shoulders "We need to get out of here." He points off in the distance, it was Kylo's transport landing into a docking bay.</p><p>"I have a ship, we can leave." You say. </p><p>"We have to find Poe." Finn says </p><p>"He has an x-wing. Which means he has a ship. I can radio him." At that moment three TIE-fighters fly into view. "but like Finn said, we need get out of here. And there's something I need to do first." </p><p>_</p><p>Stepping on the ship with Rey and Finn you run to the radio. </p><p>"Rey get the ship started, I have signal to Poe." Flipping switches, you remember the exact frequency that would bring these TIE-fighters down. Transmitting the signal, you waited, one, two, three, every fighter in your proximity exploded violently. Rey and Finn look at you with wonder.</p><p>Now to radio Poe.</p><p>"Poe? Poe?" You yell on the radio. </p><p>His voice comes through but it crackles illegibly, "Poe we have to leave! I'm in a Xi-Class shuttle. It's a light cruiser. Poe? Poe?" </p><p>"Got it." Poe's voice sounds through the headset. </p><p>"We're outta here, when we reached the middle of the atmosphere, enter hyperspace." </p><p>_</p><p>"Rey, Finn what were you doing on Laskaris III?" You ask </p><p>"We had a source that was going to give us info on the First Orders new weapon you told us about. We weren't able to talk with the source long before the First Order came." Finn says.</p><p>"What did you find out?" </p><p>"Well the First Order" Rey swallows, "t-their going to start destroying any planet that doesn't comply and join the Order." Rey said </p><p>"T-that's impossible." You sat down "they can't do that. That's unreasonable, that's deranged." </p><p>"It's what we heard. If they do that, everyone will be too scared to fight back. We can't win." Rey looks at you sadly. </p><p>"Where's the Resistance hiding out?" You ask, fiddling with the controls awkwardly.</p><p>"An old rebel base, i'll type the coordinates." Rey says sitting in the co-pilot seat.</p><p>"Wait. There's somewhere I need to go." </p><p>_</p><p>"Where are we?" Finn asks as the cruiser enters the atmosphere.</p><p>"My home." You say, landing the ship. </p><p>"You have a family?" Rey asks. </p><p>"No, not anymore. I think anyway." You frown, getting up. </p><p>You open the door of the ship, it was the same. Same beautiful, horrible place. </p><p>"This is where I leave you both."</p><p>You look at Finn and Rey. </p><p>"What?" Rey says in shock. </p><p>"This is my home, the First Order stopped occupying it two years ago. I've always wanted to come back. And now I finally can" </p><p>"_____...we need you. The Resistance needs you." Finn says somberly. </p><p>"There's no changing my mind. Finn, Rey, I love you both. Thank your for being my friends. But please don't tell anyone where I am. I need to be alone, after all that's happened." You look into the distance, you needed time away from the fight, time to heal.</p><p>Finn hugs you and gets back on the ship, Rey turns to leave but stops. </p><p>"You're a Jedi too. Even if Kylo Ren trained you, you're a true Jedi." She was crying. You hug her. </p><p>You watch the ship leave, then turn toward the fields.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. E p i l o g u e</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The galaxy was at peace. </p><p>The First Order had collapsed after the death of their leader, the Resistance disbanded shortly after. </p><p>The New Republic stood. </p><p>You stood next to fellow Jedi's Finn and Rey, looking at your padawans. They were so young. Where the Jedi Order had failed, where Luke Skywalker had failed, you would not. </p><p>No more children would be stolen from their families to become Jedi. You would teach them, and not be afraid when they grew beyond what you knew. </p><p>But still, you were apprehensive. </p><p>The dark side was seducing. You knew first hand, so did Rey. </p><p>You fondly thought of Ben. </p><p>Yes he was a monster, he was terrible, he was a murderer. But for a moment you cared about him. Not Kylo, but Ben. Yes, Ben was the only one you'd ever cared for.</p><p>Feeling a tugging on your cowl, you turned to look downwards. </p><p>"Master, is it true you killed Kylo Ren?" </p><p>Guilt is a hunter.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Alternate ending</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You know why I've come here."</p><p>He stood there in front of you, he looked different. But you imagined you did too. Being back on Lah'mu for only year had changed you. Your hands were now dry and calloused, knowing the hard work of farming once more. </p><p>His hair was shorter, and his scar was now a distant memory across his face. You wondered what yours looked like. You reach up and touch it.</p><p>"You've come here to kill me." You say somberly, looking him in the eye.</p><p>He shifts uncomfortably, somehow it had all just now reached him. </p><p>"You aren't an easy person to find. I come to see you've shut yourself off from the Force?" </p><p>You ignore him, "Have you come alone?" </p><p>"Yes, of course. It would be unwise not to." He looks at the black sand beneath his feet.</p><p>It was stupid for him to tell you that. You both were so close to the ocean. You wondered what life would be like if Ben stayed here with you. You could show him how beautiful life was. </p><p>You press your hand against your leg, checking to see if it was still in it's holster. </p><p>Ben looks off into the distance. </p><p>"Have you stopped lying to yourself about what happened to you parents?" He said, turning to look you in the eye. </p><p>Your bottom lip quivered. </p><p>"It...it was all my fault." You whimper.</p><p>"Say it." </p><p>"It was all my fault! I killed them!" </p><p>You remembered, the ship. You could fix it. You were a pilot, best in the galaxy. But you didn't know anything. You were arrogant, and your parents were dead because of it.</p><p>You'd lied to yourself all these years to protect your heart. To keep yourself sane. You told yourself they disappeared. They took off to sell the crops, but the ship exploded mid-air. And just like everything you loved, they were swallowed by the ocean. They were dead before you could wipe the dirt off your chin. <br/>And it was your fault.</p><p>Tears crawled their way down your cheeks, Ben looks  distressed. He steps forward. </p><p>"Tell me...was any of it real?" </p><p>"Ben, you have no love for anyone. Not even yourself." </p><p>He leans forward to hold your face, his lips touching yours. </p><p>He is so close. </p><p>You know what you have to do. </p><p>You grab the saber, but Ben. </p><p>Ben Solo, he knew you. </p><p>He reaches out and pushes you, you go flying onto the black sand. Trying desperately to catch your breath to get up and fight.</p><p>You force yourself off the ground and ignite the weapon. The green sabers handle rattles in your hand. </p><p>Kylo charges and his red blade clashes with yours violently. </p><p>The Force hums around you. </p><p>You push the blade upwards and slice the the front of Kylos uniform. </p><p>He stumbles back, and everything seems to slow. The tip of your saber stabs directly through Kylo's shoulder. </p><p>You turn the weapon off and look at had what you'd done. </p><p>He was gagging and sobbing in agony. </p><p>You kneel next to him. </p><p>His head flops over to look up at yours. His eyes, unreadable.</p><p>Touching your cheek, you realize you were crying. You were crying for him. </p><p>"I have to do this. I have to kill you." You cry. "It's my destiny." </p><p>You pull out your saber and ignite it. </p><p>And you followed your destiny. </p><p>-</p><p>After some slight adjustments to the uniform. </p><p>You had to say.</p><p>It suited you. </p><p>Everything, even his red saber.</p><p>Holding the mask in your hands you place it on, looking at yourself in the mirror you whisper,</p><p>"I am Kylo Ren."</p>
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